In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Green-Eyed Monster.”

Dear Soccer Dog,

Yes, I know who you are. Popping up on either side of the pitch like the footballing hound that you are.

You may have beaten the English Premier League champions in your first movie; and won the European Cup in your second. However, your career is hopelessly flawed:

1) You do not wear regulation soccer boots. No right-minded referee would allow you on the field of play.

2) That ball you are meant to be dribbling is obviously an added special effect given the low budget of the movie. So, in fact, you are just running up and down – nothing else.

3) As a dog it is obvious that at any given moment you would not be able to resist the urge to wee up against a corner flag or goal post. The oversight by the script writers, producers and other individuals involved in the making of this film is not mind-blowing; it’s laughable.

In concluding, I suggest you stick to chasing sticks.

My cat would run rings round you.

Cheers,

Anon x